Send the Script Out to Sea

Rocco running to the oceanVacation at this point in my life is really just taking our crazy to a different location.  Yes, there’s less running around to do per se but my people still like to participate in daily and often hourly, passing of the baton, can’t keep it down whack-a-mole, beautiful disaster that apparently is our mixed bag lineage.

This year we took a trek out to the northwest along the Oregon coast.  It was unlike a family vacation we’d taken before.  More time to learn card games like Slamwich, fly kites and play made up games like “Mommy Trap” in the hills and valleys of the beach dunes.  Memories were being made despite a lack of fireworks, technology, amusement parks, character lunches and full schedules.

The last night of our trip by the ocean I got this great idea to cast a “wish” rock and a “worry” rock into the water. Imagine all 6 of us standing at the edge of the world heaving symbolism into the sea… TOGETHER.  Ah.  It was setting up perfectly.  The sun was completely in sync with me, carefully hanging in the sky to create the snapshot of a lifetime.  In my head, this was my Hallmark moment.  The pinnacle of a family vacation done well.  A forever memory.

I watched on as my boys went running towards the water with their one hope / one concern in hand.  My husband right behind them with our two year-old set atop his shoulders and I paused for just a moment to help Milana pick out the perfect rocks because a moment like this needs perfect rocks.  “This” I heard my inner voice saying… “This is what it’s all about.”

As Milana and I set off to join the boys – HOLD UP.  WAIT A MINUTE.  I looked down for a second, maybe two. WHAT the WHAT is HAPPENING???    I got kicked in the shin… the shin of my soul.  The men I love and the men I THOUGHT loved me were high tailing it back to stairs that led to our beach house.  My moment flattened… the blowfish air sucked right out of it.

I met my husband with a “What, Why, and How could you do this?”   He said “What do you mean… we did it.”   UMMMM…No.  WE did not do it!!!   “Yes, I swear, we did it.”  You buffoon… we is not half of us… we is all of us and WE need to do it again.  For reference: Nothing is more fun that forcing people to re-enact an already unnatural moment for your own self-satisfaction.  So needless to say… it was a flop.  But it was a flop because of my own doing.

Most, if not all, of my life’s frustrations, heartaches and kicks in the shin are because of unmet expectations.  And the frequency of them is solely because I have choreographed these perfect scenarios (code for really high expectations) and unfortunately the people can’t even hear the music…let alone get through the first eight count.

My husband totally missed the beat.  He didn’t get the rock throwing… he’s not wired that way.  My Lifetime movie moment didn’t register really high on his ‘this is cool’ list.  But he is wired in the way of cooking almost all the meals, coaching almost all the teams, demonstrating a life with purpose and partnering with his wife to create a really good life for our family.  And so gratefully and graciously hindsight lets him off the hook.  That and he accepts me for all my crazy. Too often I’m seeking this perfect moment, relationship, family picture, hair day (the struggle is real) and forget to see that what I already do have is really, really great and perfectly flawed.

Besides, I already had all the vacation moments I needed to remember – teaching the kids how to make a campfire and the secret to a perfect s’more, taking slow to be brave Blaize on a hike over some rocks, watching Rocco strip down to his skivvies and run with reckless abandon into the piercing cold water and my favorite, climbing as a family up the part sand part rock mountain and each person helping the other navigate the best path.  It was all there.  I didn’t need to script some moment for everyone that I really just felt I needed to do myself.  Send one wish and one worry out to sea.  I’d love to tell you about them but they are gone now.  I just have the real stuff to hold on to.  And besides sometimes the best moments are off script.  Don’t forget to see, feel and cha cha your way through those moments!

Hugs and Love,

~ Kira

34 Comments on “Blog”

  1. Caryn Marcus

    First post in the bag!!! Nicely done…loved it! It dawned on me that you are also the middle child in your family.

  2. Kim Ball

    Oh, I needed this Kira. I become “that person I don’t want to be” way too frequently – and I feel less like a failure when other mothers confess that they lose their minds in the chaos pretty often as well! It’s hard to constantly have the mirror hoisted in our faces… To have to work on patience, more patience, and self-improvement day after day. Kudos to you for taking on FOUR little ones… And thanks for sharing your beautiful words!

  3. Mary

    You are awesome and don’t ever forget that! We all have those moments and believe it not, the good always out weighs those “moments”!!! Keep up the good work girl!

  4. Brittany Matuga

    Humble pie can be quite tasty after all as it reminds us to embrace all the moments of parenthood. When my kids were babies, a cousin with teenagers warned me that it gets harder. At the time, I thought, no way, she must have forgotten how absolutely exhausting this stage can be. As the mom of a now teenage boy on the verge of driving and dating, along with two now tween girls beginning puberty, I can see how the difficult parts of parenting do shift from the endless physical challenges to the heart wrenching moments of letting go each day. So… keep that pie handy!

  5. Amy urban

    wow Kira… Very said .. And very touching. I can definitely relate with only 2 boys… Thanks for being my inspiration today. So in the same boat at times.
    Miss you!!!!

  6. Lisa Whitfield

    It’s reassuring knowing I’m not the only mom who loses my cool sometime. No matter how crazy they make me, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks for posting!

  7. Nicole Esposito

    Written so eloquently… Your words paint such an honest picture! Even through the screaming, sighing, and frustration, there’s one thing your kids are looking for: it’s you being there. THAT you have given them to feel safe, loved and totally cared for. Thank you for sharing on FB. I would have never seen this. You. Are. Awesome!

  8. Jenn Vlahavas

    Kira! Thank you so much for making all of the other moms out there feel like we aren’t alone! Balancing the a mom, wife, friend while also working full time and traveling for work often blows! And sometimes it’s just too much. Immediately followed by guilt! Thanks for reminding us that we are all still works in progress!!

  9. Mikki DW

    You are a rockstar and I am very proud of you! Keep preaching the truth. I look forward to reading your words- the world needs you, girl.

    May we eat our humble pie every day and do it gratefully.

    Mikki DW

  10. Jill

    Everytime I read your honest words I am reminded why LeAnn always says we need to be besties! 😉 You had me at Maya! “My idea of being a parent has so completely shifted from before I had kids…” and “… shift to embracing what is real.” Love!

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